Learning Through Play at 5 and 6: The Game Is Teaching More Than You Think

When my son or my daughter comes to me and says, "Dad, I got an A on my test," the first thing I ask is: "Did you have to work really hard for it?"

If the answer is no, it was easy, I don't make a big deal out of it. I don't make them feel bad either. I just tell them that one was too easy, and we need to find something that really challenges them.

But when they come to me with a B they worked on every day for two weeks? That's when we celebrate. That's when we go out for ice cream.

I share this in my book, Built to Lead, because of something I call mental equations. Kids take the things we praise and turn them into formulas about who they are. Praise only the easy wins, and a child learns: easy result plus no effort equals smart. Then the first time something gets hard, they decide they're not smart anymore.

So what does this have to do with games for five and six year olds?

Everything.

Why Do 5 and 6 Year Olds Learn Better Through Games?

Some parents hear "game-based learning" and picture kids goofing around while nobody learns anything. The opposite is true. A well-designed game is one of the most effective teaching tools you can use at this age.

Here's why. Five and six year olds are in a unique stage:

• Physically, their big movements are getting smoother, but they're still building basic strength and coordination.
• Mentally, they can follow more directions than a preschooler, but holding more than about three steps in their head at once is still hard.
• Emotionally, they get silly when they're nervous or excited, and their confidence grows when they make the adults they look up to proud.
• Socially, they love the spotlight, and many are still learning how to lose without falling apart.

A game meets them right there. It gives them a reason to listen, a reason to remember, a reason to try again, and a safe place to practice winning and losing. And because it's fun, they stay engaged and want to come back for more.

Inside a Basic Skillz Learning Game

Here's the kind of partner drill our five and six year olds do.

The instructor gives a few clear steps to remember: find your partner, bow, hold the pad in the right spot, and take turns throwing front kicks. Then the kids have to put all those steps together on their own.

1. Memory: Holding a few steps in order stretches working memory, right at the edge of what this age can do.
2. Strength: A set of front kicks builds leg strength, balance, and coordination.
3. Teamwork: The kicker needs the holder, and the holder needs to do their job well. Taking turns is built right in.
4. Sportsmanship: Partners bow, encourage each other, and thank each other at the end.
5. Confidence: When they get the steps right, instructors recognize the effort, and kids feel the pride of making a mentor proud.

To the kids, it's a game. To us, it's attention, discipline, and self-confidence, which are exactly the three things our Basic Skillz program is built around.

What Should You Praise During the Game?

This is where the mental equation comes back in.

If the only thing we celebrate in a game is who won, kids learn that winning is the only thing that matters. That's how you get the six-year-old who cries, quits, or accuses everyone of cheating when they lose.

If we celebrate effort, focus, and good sportsmanship, kids learn something much more valuable: trying hard is something to be proud of, whether you win or not.

Remember, kids this age build their confidence by making the adults they look up to proud. That gives you a lot of power. Whatever earns your smile, your high five, and your "I'm proud of you" is exactly what they will chase. So make sure you're handing out that pride for the things that will serve them for life: effort, focus, kindness, and the courage to try again.

Try This Reframe

Instead of: "You won! You're the best!"

Try: "You kept going even when your legs were tired. And you shook hands at the end. That's what a champion does."

After a loss, instead of: "Don't worry, you'll win next time."

Try: "I saw how hard you tried. What's one thing you want to practice for next time?"

Game-Based Learning at Home: 5 Ideas

• Three-step challenge. Give three silly directions in a row: "Touch your nose, spin around, and jump twice." Then try four.
• Board games. Perfect practice for turn-taking and losing gracefully. Play often and model good sportsmanship.
• Obstacle course. Couch cushions, a line of tape, a laundry basket to toss socks into. Time it, and try to beat their own best.
• Kitchen helper game. Let them measure and pour while following a recipe card with pictures. Memory and focus, disguised as fun.
• Effort jar. Every time you catch them working hard at something difficult, add a marble. Celebrate when it's full.

How the ZENTAI SKILLZ Program Uses Play for Ages 5 to 6

At ZENTAI Martial Arts, we're a leadership development academy that uses martial arts as the vehicle. Our kids classes follow the ZENTAI SKILLZ child development curriculum, and our Basic Skillz program for ages 5 to 6 builds attention, discipline, and self-confidence through purposeful games.

Classes include a warm-up, a short talk about the skill of the day, game-based skill drills, opportunities to earn stripes as they successfully complete technical requirements, and a game at the end. Our instructors are trained in child development and coach both character and technique, so kids grow as people and as martial artists. And they praise effort, every class.

We serve families at our 4 New Jersey locations in Belleville, Clifton, Hackensack, and North Arlington, and 1 in the Dominican Republic. This is more than a martial arts school. It's a village, where the whole ZENTAI family cheers for the kid who kept trying, not just the kid who won.

Keep Learning With ZENTAI

• What Behavior Is Normal for a 5 or 6 Year Old? The "Big Kid" Who Isn't Quite Yet
• The Power of Yet: Why the Way You Praise Your Child Shapes Their Future
• Why Every ZENTAI Kids Class Ends With a Game
• Basic Skillz

Want More? Read Built to Lead

In my book, Built to Lead: Develop Character, Master Influence, and Find Your Purpose, I go deeper into mental equations and how to praise effort in a way that builds lifelong resilience. It's written for parents to read with their preteens and teens.

Get Built to Lead on Amazon. All net proceeds support Heart of ZENTAI, our nonprofit bringing free martial arts and leadership training to children in the Dominican Republic.

Bring Your 5 or 6 Year Old to ZENTAI

Basic Skillz is for ages 5 to 6, and we have classes for kids starting at 3, older kids, teens, and adults. Visit us in Belleville, Clifton, Hackensack, or North Arlington, NJ.

Book your child's first class at zentai.us or call (201) 431-5425. Let the games begin.

We Rise By Lifting Others.